BAD DAY

Ok........today is not a good day. My attitude SUCKS. I don't like the way my rear view looks, I don't like my pictures from this week, and I'm not confident I'm going to like the physique I present onstage. Whew........I said it. Feels good to get it out Because, isn't admitting you have a problem the very first step on the road to recovery? LOL

Chatted a little with Erik about it 2 days ago, and he says I'm fine and has no worries. He said, 'Are you REALLY worried?' My answer was, 'The show is 2.5 weeks away. Ask me every 2.5 minutes and you'lll get a different answer.' So yes, I'm officially diet crazy. I had a moment this am when I opened the pantry and just wanted to eat. Then, my rational side took over, and I shut the door and walked away.

After 5+ years in this biz, I've become VERY adept at talking myself down from the proverbial ledge....and that's what I had to do today. When I sit down and really think about it, it's the SCALE that's messing with my head. It's that stupid, stupid meaningless NUMBER that is twisting what's left of my brain into knots. Are my measurements where they typically are? YES. Are my pics on par with other pics from this time frame? YES. Do I fit in my teeny weeny 2-wk-out shorts and my contest suit? YES. So, why am I worried???It's the stupid scale. , right? After all my experiences in competing, my rational side tells me to ignore the scale. I showed up 4 lbs HEAVIER than my 'usual' show weight at Jr USA's, and looked BETTER. Go figure, huh? I showed up 6 lbs LESS than my 'usual' show weight once and was told I wasn't conditioned enough. (Huh? Whacchu talkin bout, Willis? Whaddya mean 'not conditioned enough'? I'm SIX. POUNDS. SMALLER.) I showed up at different permutations of the same stage weight for 6 shows of 2006-2007 with variable levels of conditioning and muscularity........at the same exact weight. So, why it this freaking me out?

Let's think about it, shall we? I spent 8 weeks doing a bulk to build hams and calves. So, why WOULD my weight be the same? Hopefully, I added MUSCLE, right? Isn't that the point of a bulk or specialization? Why WOULD I come in lighter this time unless I'm tearing down precious, hard-earned muscle?In addition, this sport is about optical illusions. Nowhere is there a weigh-in station for fitness. Nope, it's all about a 'look'. (To back up, wouldn't that be absolutely HORRIFFIC???? If when we hit the center X and started model turns, if a large digital number started blinking for the entire panel of judges and the audience to see overhead? Yuck.that's the stuff nightmares are made of!!!!) So, the broader the shoulders and the sweepier the quads, the smaller the waist looks, right?

So again, why am I bugging?Like my dear friend Maggie Blanchard told me once when I was bitching about my weight and body after a weekend of no-holds-barred eating....'the scale moves both ways, my dear. You are the one in control.'

Now, I don't like the scale. Not today, not EVER (unless it's reading a number that is pleasing to me haha). Anyway, today, I'm taking the scale out of the mental equation. I'm not going to let it ruin my day...or my prep.....or my attitude.Instead, I'm going to insert the word 'confidence'. Because, isn't that what it's really all about right now...confidence??? The work is essentially done. It's just trusting the process.....trusting the people I've entrusted to get me stage-ready....it's all about CONFIDENCE.

So, I'm going to have a new mantra as of today.'Attitude/confidence move both ways. And I am the one in control of the direction.'