Little motivation for me as I push thru to the end...............my new 'theme song' for the end of this prep, courtesy of my girl Erin Riley!
Here's to pushing thru 3 more days! See you guys in Otown!!!!!
[URL="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NW40rfp7aoQ"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NW40rfp7aoQ[/URL]
Monday, April 12, 2010
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Reflections on a dream
In mere days, I'll be taking the stage in Orlando for my second pro show. I've come a long, long way from the girl I was in 2004 when I walked into a cheerleading gym with a lot of heart...but zero skills.
The owner of that gym to this day STILL tells anyone who will listen, 'Look at her now! She's a PRO! I remember the first day she walked in here and all she could do was a cartwheel!' That day seems like a decade ago to me..............I've had a lot of injuries, disappointments, setbacks, crushed dreams, and frustrations in the interim, but I've ALSO experienced a lot of personal growth, determination, accomplishment, and self-satisfaction. I started this journey as an insecure, self-conscious, self-professed 'klutz'.............and now? I'm a professional ATHLETE.
I still remember my husband telling me (after I won my pro card), 'Honey, I'm awfully proud of you..........and even though this is a great accomplishment? It's nothing compared to the fact that you're a DOCTOR.' I looked at him (with tears in my eyes) and replied, 'Remember how you felt when you won a swim meet/soccer game/surf contest??? I've never had that feeling. I was always the kid nobody wanted on their team in gym class because I was scared of the ball. For the first time in my life, I can run fast and be powerful and graceful....and it means more to me because I had to WORK for it. Book stuff always came easily.......but this? Blood, sweat, and tears.' Literally:)
I guess you could say fitness has allowed me to grow.....to be the woman I always wanted to be. It's an incredible sport that's helped me 'mature', if you will. It's really NOT about the beautiful costumes or the perfect physique...........for me, it's been a journey of polishing myself from the inside out. I've learned that no one can MAKE me happy; happiness is something I must create. I've learned that I can withstand an enormous amount of stress.......physical and emotional.....and I can find appropriate outlets to handle that stress when given limited resources. And, I've learned that no matter WHAT anyone else says about me? It's what I think of me that matters most.
So, for all you girls who were called clumsy.........or picked last for kickball...........or thought you were too-scared-of-your-own-shadow to try and learn to backflip across a hard floor in a teeny costume for an auditorium full of strangers? This one's for you. You probably won't see me leaving with a trophy next weekend, but I'm okay with that. If I can get out there and kill that routine exactly the way I've practiced it........and inspire one awkward, uncoordinated girl like myself to give this a try???? I'm good.
The owner of that gym to this day STILL tells anyone who will listen, 'Look at her now! She's a PRO! I remember the first day she walked in here and all she could do was a cartwheel!' That day seems like a decade ago to me..............I've had a lot of injuries, disappointments, setbacks, crushed dreams, and frustrations in the interim, but I've ALSO experienced a lot of personal growth, determination, accomplishment, and self-satisfaction. I started this journey as an insecure, self-conscious, self-professed 'klutz'.............and now? I'm a professional ATHLETE.
I still remember my husband telling me (after I won my pro card), 'Honey, I'm awfully proud of you..........and even though this is a great accomplishment? It's nothing compared to the fact that you're a DOCTOR.' I looked at him (with tears in my eyes) and replied, 'Remember how you felt when you won a swim meet/soccer game/surf contest??? I've never had that feeling. I was always the kid nobody wanted on their team in gym class because I was scared of the ball. For the first time in my life, I can run fast and be powerful and graceful....and it means more to me because I had to WORK for it. Book stuff always came easily.......but this? Blood, sweat, and tears.' Literally:)
I guess you could say fitness has allowed me to grow.....to be the woman I always wanted to be. It's an incredible sport that's helped me 'mature', if you will. It's really NOT about the beautiful costumes or the perfect physique...........for me, it's been a journey of polishing myself from the inside out. I've learned that no one can MAKE me happy; happiness is something I must create. I've learned that I can withstand an enormous amount of stress.......physical and emotional.....and I can find appropriate outlets to handle that stress when given limited resources. And, I've learned that no matter WHAT anyone else says about me? It's what I think of me that matters most.
So, for all you girls who were called clumsy.........or picked last for kickball...........or thought you were too-scared-of-your-own-shadow to try and learn to backflip across a hard floor in a teeny costume for an auditorium full of strangers? This one's for you. You probably won't see me leaving with a trophy next weekend, but I'm okay with that. If I can get out there and kill that routine exactly the way I've practiced it........and inspire one awkward, uncoordinated girl like myself to give this a try???? I'm good.
Friday, April 9, 2010
one week out
I'm brain dead, so here's a pic. This was taken last weekend. As you may be able to see from this snapshot, I've lost my head...haha
BTW...we are in the process of redoing our kitchen. Hubby dearest did that backsplash. Am I the only one who thinks it looks like chocolate chip cookie dough?
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
I'm gonna GET YOU, Marge!!!!!!!
Call me crazy, but I'm stalking every last little fat cell that remains on my ass at the end of this prep. There aren't many, but I know who they are, I know where they live, and I know their names!!!!
The last refeed and the daily cardio sent Stanley and Scrappy to the fat cell graveyard, but Marge is still there.........lurking................taunting me.........threatening to ooze out and attempt to eat my microscopic, bedazzled 2-piece suit bottom.
That bitch is not going down without a fight, lemme tell you. She's currently camped out, with her AK-47 and night vision goggles, lying in wait. She's planning a suprise ambush attack, I just know it. Sure, she might PLAY DEAD til showtime, but I know what she's up to. I overheard her telling Stanley and Scrappy (before their hasty demise...LOL...may they R.I.P.) that she may be playing possum NOW, but come showtime? She's planning to leap out and SMILE like a big dog at the judges as soon as I hit my first rear pose.
So, Marge? Honey, Mama's got some news for you. You will NOT be meeting Sandy Williamson or Steve Weinberger or Jim Rockell or ANY of those IFBB judges. Nope, nope. Marge, you're going down. It's 'game on' on my end. I got your number, honey. I'm gonna GET YOU. So, watch your back.
The last refeed and the daily cardio sent Stanley and Scrappy to the fat cell graveyard, but Marge is still there.........lurking................taunting me.........threatening to ooze out and attempt to eat my microscopic, bedazzled 2-piece suit bottom.
That bitch is not going down without a fight, lemme tell you. She's currently camped out, with her AK-47 and night vision goggles, lying in wait. She's planning a suprise ambush attack, I just know it. Sure, she might PLAY DEAD til showtime, but I know what she's up to. I overheard her telling Stanley and Scrappy (before their hasty demise...LOL...may they R.I.P.) that she may be playing possum NOW, but come showtime? She's planning to leap out and SMILE like a big dog at the judges as soon as I hit my first rear pose.
So, Marge? Honey, Mama's got some news for you. You will NOT be meeting Sandy Williamson or Steve Weinberger or Jim Rockell or ANY of those IFBB judges. Nope, nope. Marge, you're going down. It's 'game on' on my end. I got your number, honey. I'm gonna GET YOU. So, watch your back.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
CONVERSATIONS ON THE TREADMILL
I always have the most interesting conversations on the treadmill. Granted, I don't DO that much low-intensity/long-duration cardio there...not in prep, not EVER........but when I'm there? It seems like everyone is just chatting and hanging out and shooting the sh#t.
It's not often that I get the leisurely opportunity to chit chat, but when I do? It's quite an education. I don't know why, but when you are a competitor (especially a PRO competitor), people always feel the need to tell you whatever it is that THEY are currently doing in the way of diet/training. I'm never sure if a)they're looking for feedback/input, b)talking just because they too are bored, or c)really think I'm interested in their fitness goals.
I don't mean to be rude. Really, I don't. But sometimes it's like, 'REALLY? Did you really just SAY that?'
Today, for instance. I had a nice chat with an amateur figure competitor. She was telling me how at 8 weeks out, she's doing 2-a-day cardio........but 'only low intensity' so she 'can hang on to muscle' in her legs. 'No sprinting allowed.' Hmmmm.......really? In my experience, lots of cardio made my legs flat and appear softer and less separated.............or, the constant forward leaning motion on the elliptical/treadmill/arc trainer/stepper continued to exacerbate my quadriceps' dominance over my hamstrings. (BTW, she's 8 weeks out. Where is there to build from here? 3-a-days? 4-a-days? I shudder to think about it.)
She also told me that her trainer 'did not allow her to lose any weight' until this week. Now, this REALLY puzzled me. What does the number on the scale moving vs not moving have to do with progress? Just because the scale isn't moving does NOT mean you are maintaining lean muscle mass and shedding fat. It's a number..............a reference point..............a single solitary piece of data that taken in isolation is MEANINGLESS.
Additionally, her friend, the aerobics instructor? She couldn't make it today for am cardio. So silly me, I ask, 'She teaches aerobics? Why does she need MORE cardio?' The answer was, 'Because it doesn't work anymore for her. And she retains a lot of water, especially in her midsection.' Of course, it's WATER!!!! And more cardio is the obvious solution, no? How stupid must I be not to know these things???????? It couldn't possibly be that it's the CARDIO that's making her fat?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????
It's frustrating. These are very nice, very well-intentioned girls. I see them working hard in the gym, and I want to scream, 'WHAT ARE YOU DOING????????????' (However, they have neither asked for nor want my help. So, I put a sock in it. Hey...not like i'm not busy with my own stuff.)
It's like Erik and I were discussing the other day........hard work is only beneficial if you're doing the right things. That work has to have a purpose and a clear-cut goal, along with proper nutrition to support that goal.
More isn't always better. Sometimes, more is just..............more.
It's not often that I get the leisurely opportunity to chit chat, but when I do? It's quite an education. I don't know why, but when you are a competitor (especially a PRO competitor), people always feel the need to tell you whatever it is that THEY are currently doing in the way of diet/training. I'm never sure if a)they're looking for feedback/input, b)talking just because they too are bored, or c)really think I'm interested in their fitness goals.
I don't mean to be rude. Really, I don't. But sometimes it's like, 'REALLY? Did you really just SAY that?'
Today, for instance. I had a nice chat with an amateur figure competitor. She was telling me how at 8 weeks out, she's doing 2-a-day cardio........but 'only low intensity' so she 'can hang on to muscle' in her legs. 'No sprinting allowed.' Hmmmm.......really? In my experience, lots of cardio made my legs flat and appear softer and less separated.............or, the constant forward leaning motion on the elliptical/treadmill/arc trainer/stepper continued to exacerbate my quadriceps' dominance over my hamstrings. (BTW, she's 8 weeks out. Where is there to build from here? 3-a-days? 4-a-days? I shudder to think about it.)
She also told me that her trainer 'did not allow her to lose any weight' until this week. Now, this REALLY puzzled me. What does the number on the scale moving vs not moving have to do with progress? Just because the scale isn't moving does NOT mean you are maintaining lean muscle mass and shedding fat. It's a number..............a reference point..............a single solitary piece of data that taken in isolation is MEANINGLESS.
Additionally, her friend, the aerobics instructor? She couldn't make it today for am cardio. So silly me, I ask, 'She teaches aerobics? Why does she need MORE cardio?' The answer was, 'Because it doesn't work anymore for her. And she retains a lot of water, especially in her midsection.' Of course, it's WATER!!!! And more cardio is the obvious solution, no? How stupid must I be not to know these things???????? It couldn't possibly be that it's the CARDIO that's making her fat?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????
It's frustrating. These are very nice, very well-intentioned girls. I see them working hard in the gym, and I want to scream, 'WHAT ARE YOU DOING????????????' (However, they have neither asked for nor want my help. So, I put a sock in it. Hey...not like i'm not busy with my own stuff.)
It's like Erik and I were discussing the other day........hard work is only beneficial if you're doing the right things. That work has to have a purpose and a clear-cut goal, along with proper nutrition to support that goal.
More isn't always better. Sometimes, more is just..............more.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Second wind
2 weeks.......2 weeks.........2 weeks........................
YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YIKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've been counting down the days. I've been dreading show day.I've been EXCITED for show day. I've been excited for the day AFTER show day (I'm going to Disney! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! And no, I'm not even kidding!!! I'm really going to Disney! LOL)
I'm a constant flux of emotions these days, but somehow? I got this second wind of energy. I don't know WHERE it came from, but hey....I'm certainly not complaining.
I haven't had to drop the weight on my workouts this week! Hip hip hooray!!!!! I haven't had to eat extra lettuce or pickles or drink crazy amounts of black coffee just to sustain myself; the normal water/food intake has been just fine. (Not sayin' I'm not hungry..I'm DEFINITELY hungry....but I just don't feel that gnawing away to the very core of my soul, one-cup-of-coffee-away-from-certain-death type of hunger that usually defines the last 2 weeks of prep.) Routine practice has been productive and even FUN!!!
Time flies when you're having fun. And this prep HAS been fun. (So fun, in fact, that I'm considering another show this year. Texas Europa is sounding AWFULLY appealing, but I need to take things one show at a time.) Anyways, I'm sure tomorrow when I have to get up for fasted cardio, I won't be quite so chipper......but hey, as long as the good days outnumber the bad ones? I'll take it.
So, here's to keeping that second wind for 12 more days.
YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YIKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've been counting down the days. I've been dreading show day.I've been EXCITED for show day. I've been excited for the day AFTER show day (I'm going to Disney! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! And no, I'm not even kidding!!! I'm really going to Disney! LOL)
I'm a constant flux of emotions these days, but somehow? I got this second wind of energy. I don't know WHERE it came from, but hey....I'm certainly not complaining.
I haven't had to drop the weight on my workouts this week! Hip hip hooray!!!!! I haven't had to eat extra lettuce or pickles or drink crazy amounts of black coffee just to sustain myself; the normal water/food intake has been just fine. (Not sayin' I'm not hungry..I'm DEFINITELY hungry....but I just don't feel that gnawing away to the very core of my soul, one-cup-of-coffee-away-from-certain-death type of hunger that usually defines the last 2 weeks of prep.) Routine practice has been productive and even FUN!!!
Time flies when you're having fun. And this prep HAS been fun. (So fun, in fact, that I'm considering another show this year. Texas Europa is sounding AWFULLY appealing, but I need to take things one show at a time.) Anyways, I'm sure tomorrow when I have to get up for fasted cardio, I won't be quite so chipper......but hey, as long as the good days outnumber the bad ones? I'll take it.
So, here's to keeping that second wind for 12 more days.
Friday, April 2, 2010
CHANGE
I'll be the first to admit I do NOT like change. Nope, I'm one of those people who likes the comfortable routine of a familiar, comfortable life.
As an emergency physician, I think that has a lot to do with it. When I'm at work? Every day is different. I never know what's coming through the ambulance doors....I'm always on my toes. So, in my personal life? I think I NEED that calm to balance me out.
One of my co-workers told me about a locum tenems job (basically, part time/last minute) in a busy ER that pays RIDICULOUSLY well. 'What's the catch?' I asked....because, when something's too good to be true, isn't there ALWAYS a catch? Well, the catch is that on one of my glorious days off from work......when I have my heart set on doing other things.....my phone may ring..and I have to drive 2 hours each way to work a 12 hour shift in a brutally busy ER. Um.....no thanks. Again, don't like change. I don't handle it well. I can't even imagine waking up, going about my usual meandering 0ff-day routine (leisurely breakfast, workout, shopping, errands, doggie time, etc.).....only to be thrown completely off-kilter by a single phone call. No matter what it pays, I'm not interested. He was flabbergasted.
Seriously, though...why would I do something that is going to grind my gears? (LOL...I've been dying to say that after watching Family Guy the other night..haha) 5 years ago? I would've jumped on the chance to make a quick buck. Today? Not so much.
Back onto the original topic of change, though. I was forced to find a new gymnastics coach at 2 weeks out from Orlando Pro. (My old coach got a dream job and moved to Cali.) I spent most of the morning today stewing about it and getting all anxious. Am I going to like the new coach? Is he any good? Will he think I'M any good? So, I walk into the gym today with no clue what to expect and probably the worst attitude possible. Imagine my surprise when I had a GREAT practice???!!!!!??? Shocking. Me, Miss 'Know it all' got punked! The new coach was amazing!!!! No, he's not the old familiar coach who knows what tumbling I"m going to throw (LOL or NOT throw) based on my posture and facial expression....BUT.......he was great just the same. He gave me a fresh perspective that basically injected me with a new energy! And, who doesn't need energy and enthusiasm at 2 weeks out from a show, right?
So, I killed it today. I mean, KILLED IT. I don't know where the stamina came from to do half the stuff I did, but it was there.....and it was clean.....and it was FUN. I don't know where the trust came from to tumble the way I did with someone new, but I think it came from within. After all, I trust ME. I've only done this routine 50,000 times in practice. I've done the tumbling and power moves hundreds of thousands of times and (obviously) survived.
It's a hard thing to do to change gears at 2 weeks out. But, somehow? I did it. AFter this, showtime is gonna be a cakewalk. (mmmm cake!!! PS...if anyone is coming to Orlando Pro, feel free to bring me cake. Or cookies. Or brownies. I'm not really that picky.)
As an emergency physician, I think that has a lot to do with it. When I'm at work? Every day is different. I never know what's coming through the ambulance doors....I'm always on my toes. So, in my personal life? I think I NEED that calm to balance me out.
One of my co-workers told me about a locum tenems job (basically, part time/last minute) in a busy ER that pays RIDICULOUSLY well. 'What's the catch?' I asked....because, when something's too good to be true, isn't there ALWAYS a catch? Well, the catch is that on one of my glorious days off from work......when I have my heart set on doing other things.....my phone may ring..and I have to drive 2 hours each way to work a 12 hour shift in a brutally busy ER. Um.....no thanks. Again, don't like change. I don't handle it well. I can't even imagine waking up, going about my usual meandering 0ff-day routine (leisurely breakfast, workout, shopping, errands, doggie time, etc.).....only to be thrown completely off-kilter by a single phone call. No matter what it pays, I'm not interested. He was flabbergasted.
Seriously, though...why would I do something that is going to grind my gears? (LOL...I've been dying to say that after watching Family Guy the other night..haha) 5 years ago? I would've jumped on the chance to make a quick buck. Today? Not so much.
Back onto the original topic of change, though. I was forced to find a new gymnastics coach at 2 weeks out from Orlando Pro. (My old coach got a dream job and moved to Cali.) I spent most of the morning today stewing about it and getting all anxious. Am I going to like the new coach? Is he any good? Will he think I'M any good? So, I walk into the gym today with no clue what to expect and probably the worst attitude possible. Imagine my surprise when I had a GREAT practice???!!!!!??? Shocking. Me, Miss 'Know it all' got punked! The new coach was amazing!!!! No, he's not the old familiar coach who knows what tumbling I"m going to throw (LOL or NOT throw) based on my posture and facial expression....BUT.......he was great just the same. He gave me a fresh perspective that basically injected me with a new energy! And, who doesn't need energy and enthusiasm at 2 weeks out from a show, right?
So, I killed it today. I mean, KILLED IT. I don't know where the stamina came from to do half the stuff I did, but it was there.....and it was clean.....and it was FUN. I don't know where the trust came from to tumble the way I did with someone new, but I think it came from within. After all, I trust ME. I've only done this routine 50,000 times in practice. I've done the tumbling and power moves hundreds of thousands of times and (obviously) survived.
It's a hard thing to do to change gears at 2 weeks out. But, somehow? I did it. AFter this, showtime is gonna be a cakewalk. (mmmm cake!!! PS...if anyone is coming to Orlando Pro, feel free to bring me cake. Or cookies. Or brownies. I'm not really that picky.)
Thursday, April 1, 2010
BAD DAY
Ok........today is not a good day. My attitude SUCKS. I don't like the way my rear view looks, I don't like my pictures from this week, and I'm not confident I'm going to like the physique I present onstage. Whew........I said it. Feels good to get it out Because, isn't admitting you have a problem the very first step on the road to recovery? LOL
Chatted a little with Erik about it 2 days ago, and he says I'm fine and has no worries. He said, 'Are you REALLY worried?' My answer was, 'The show is 2.5 weeks away. Ask me every 2.5 minutes and you'lll get a different answer.' So yes, I'm officially diet crazy. I had a moment this am when I opened the pantry and just wanted to eat. Then, my rational side took over, and I shut the door and walked away.
After 5+ years in this biz, I've become VERY adept at talking myself down from the proverbial ledge....and that's what I had to do today. When I sit down and really think about it, it's the SCALE that's messing with my head. It's that stupid, stupid meaningless NUMBER that is twisting what's left of my brain into knots. Are my measurements where they typically are? YES. Are my pics on par with other pics from this time frame? YES. Do I fit in my teeny weeny 2-wk-out shorts and my contest suit? YES. So, why am I worried???It's the stupid scale. , right? After all my experiences in competing, my rational side tells me to ignore the scale. I showed up 4 lbs HEAVIER than my 'usual' show weight at Jr USA's, and looked BETTER. Go figure, huh? I showed up 6 lbs LESS than my 'usual' show weight once and was told I wasn't conditioned enough. (Huh? Whacchu talkin bout, Willis? Whaddya mean 'not conditioned enough'? I'm SIX. POUNDS. SMALLER.) I showed up at different permutations of the same stage weight for 6 shows of 2006-2007 with variable levels of conditioning and muscularity........at the same exact weight. So, why it this freaking me out?
Let's think about it, shall we? I spent 8 weeks doing a bulk to build hams and calves. So, why WOULD my weight be the same? Hopefully, I added MUSCLE, right? Isn't that the point of a bulk or specialization? Why WOULD I come in lighter this time unless I'm tearing down precious, hard-earned muscle?In addition, this sport is about optical illusions. Nowhere is there a weigh-in station for fitness. Nope, it's all about a 'look'. (To back up, wouldn't that be absolutely HORRIFFIC???? If when we hit the center X and started model turns, if a large digital number started blinking for the entire panel of judges and the audience to see overhead? Yuck.that's the stuff nightmares are made of!!!!) So, the broader the shoulders and the sweepier the quads, the smaller the waist looks, right?
So again, why am I bugging?Like my dear friend Maggie Blanchard told me once when I was bitching about my weight and body after a weekend of no-holds-barred eating....'the scale moves both ways, my dear. You are the one in control.'
Now, I don't like the scale. Not today, not EVER (unless it's reading a number that is pleasing to me haha). Anyway, today, I'm taking the scale out of the mental equation. I'm not going to let it ruin my day...or my prep.....or my attitude.Instead, I'm going to insert the word 'confidence'. Because, isn't that what it's really all about right now...confidence??? The work is essentially done. It's just trusting the process.....trusting the people I've entrusted to get me stage-ready....it's all about CONFIDENCE.
So, I'm going to have a new mantra as of today.'Attitude/confidence move both ways. And I am the one in control of the direction.'
Chatted a little with Erik about it 2 days ago, and he says I'm fine and has no worries. He said, 'Are you REALLY worried?' My answer was, 'The show is 2.5 weeks away. Ask me every 2.5 minutes and you'lll get a different answer.' So yes, I'm officially diet crazy. I had a moment this am when I opened the pantry and just wanted to eat. Then, my rational side took over, and I shut the door and walked away.
After 5+ years in this biz, I've become VERY adept at talking myself down from the proverbial ledge....and that's what I had to do today. When I sit down and really think about it, it's the SCALE that's messing with my head. It's that stupid, stupid meaningless NUMBER that is twisting what's left of my brain into knots. Are my measurements where they typically are? YES. Are my pics on par with other pics from this time frame? YES. Do I fit in my teeny weeny 2-wk-out shorts and my contest suit? YES. So, why am I worried???It's the stupid scale. , right? After all my experiences in competing, my rational side tells me to ignore the scale. I showed up 4 lbs HEAVIER than my 'usual' show weight at Jr USA's, and looked BETTER. Go figure, huh? I showed up 6 lbs LESS than my 'usual' show weight once and was told I wasn't conditioned enough. (Huh? Whacchu talkin bout, Willis? Whaddya mean 'not conditioned enough'? I'm SIX. POUNDS. SMALLER.) I showed up at different permutations of the same stage weight for 6 shows of 2006-2007 with variable levels of conditioning and muscularity........at the same exact weight. So, why it this freaking me out?
Let's think about it, shall we? I spent 8 weeks doing a bulk to build hams and calves. So, why WOULD my weight be the same? Hopefully, I added MUSCLE, right? Isn't that the point of a bulk or specialization? Why WOULD I come in lighter this time unless I'm tearing down precious, hard-earned muscle?In addition, this sport is about optical illusions. Nowhere is there a weigh-in station for fitness. Nope, it's all about a 'look'. (To back up, wouldn't that be absolutely HORRIFFIC???? If when we hit the center X and started model turns, if a large digital number started blinking for the entire panel of judges and the audience to see overhead? Yuck.that's the stuff nightmares are made of!!!!) So, the broader the shoulders and the sweepier the quads, the smaller the waist looks, right?
So again, why am I bugging?Like my dear friend Maggie Blanchard told me once when I was bitching about my weight and body after a weekend of no-holds-barred eating....'the scale moves both ways, my dear. You are the one in control.'
Now, I don't like the scale. Not today, not EVER (unless it's reading a number that is pleasing to me haha). Anyway, today, I'm taking the scale out of the mental equation. I'm not going to let it ruin my day...or my prep.....or my attitude.Instead, I'm going to insert the word 'confidence'. Because, isn't that what it's really all about right now...confidence??? The work is essentially done. It's just trusting the process.....trusting the people I've entrusted to get me stage-ready....it's all about CONFIDENCE.
So, I'm going to have a new mantra as of today.'Attitude/confidence move both ways. And I am the one in control of the direction.'
BEYOND OBSESSION
Beyond Obsession: A Pro's story
There has been a lot of talk on the message boards lately about metabolic damage, and specifically, who is to blame for the perpetuation of contest-dieting-gone-wrong. People finger-point at trainers and gurus, but I say, why not rest the blame on the ultimate decision-maker: the individual who is competing.
I had an epiphany of sorts a while back. Have you ever been in a fabulous, swanky, chi-chi nightclub when it closes down, and they turn the lights on to kick you out? And what looked glamorous and filled with beautiful people is suddenly grungy, dirty, and full of drunks? That's sort of how I feel about my years of contest prep. Looking back, I realize that what I THOUGHT was focus and dedication and admirable work ethic was actually just stupidity on my part. And, that's a hard pill to swallow ... because I don't ever like to admit I am wrong.
I've been in over 15 shows and spent over 6 years of my life dieting for fitness and figure competitions. I've started my prep within 5 lbs of stage weight, and I've started it 30+ lbs OVER my show weight. I've done high carbs/low fat, carb cycling, ketosis, low intensity/long duration cardio, HIIT cardio, sprints, intervals. You name it? I've probably had it in my program at some point along the road. What I DIDN'T do was take care of my body and use common sense ... until recently.
You see, I was a woman obsessed ... obsessed with winning. Obsessed with getting a pro card. Obsessed with being harder/better/faster/stronger (okay, now I'm singing Kanye and seriously need to stop LOL). Anyway, you get the point. I thought the harder the program, the more restrictive the diet, the better I would be. Sure, for the short-term? My 100% adherence and religious dedication to my contest prep worked wonderfully. However, at one point in my competitive career, I did 7 shows within an 18 month time frame ... and guess what? My body stopped responding. No matter what I did? The weight wouldn't come off. Less food, more cardio? No problem. Push me harder. Starve me. I WANT this. I CAN do this. My trainer said, 'Sandi, enough's enough. You need to realize you are asking something ridiculous of your body. I'm not going to continue to push you because clearly, your body's giving you a huge 'f*&% you'. Take a vacation. Enjoy life. Focus on other things for a while and then come back to the diet. There's always another show.' NOT the words I wanted to hear; in fact, the ONLY words I wanted to hear were the announcement of my name and number by Sandy Ranalli-Williamson in center first callout. So, what did I do? I did extra cardio on the sly my next prep. And, when THAT ceased to work? I hired a new trainer.
Fast forward thru an offseason where I kept my weight within 7-8 lbs of stage weight ... because I did 'compensatory cardio' for all my off-plan eating. (As if an hour on the stepmill can even begin to erase a massive cheat meal, but that, my friends, is another rant altogether.) At the end of it, I sustained a major, crippling injury where I was unable to do little more than sit on the couch and eat for 3 months. I couldn't even put my foot on the gas pedal to drive, much less step down and grind like a hamster on a piece of cardio equipment. I couldn't even sleep at night I was in such severe pain. I felt like I'd lost everything in life that I held dear. So what did I do? I made a pan after pan of homemade brownies and drowned my sorrows in ghiradelli chocolate peanut butter chip oblivion. 30 lbs later, I slowly rehabbed myself to the point where I could do a simple cartwheel on a trampoline. At that point, I started my diet for the next pro qualifier. 10 weeks later, I was in the first callout, nailed my routine, and narrowly missed obtaining a pro card.
I continued down the road of dieting and cardio for another 2 months, only to narrowly miss again. I was absolutely crushed; I mean, beyond devastated. Crushed. I felt I'd given up so much for this. And, after months of endless dieting, I was suddenly without a meal plan; without a purpose. So, I slowly progressed myself back into a more 'normal', more sustainable way of eating. I learned to be more self-reliant and to listen to my body. When it said, 'I'm tired'? I'd rest. When it said, 'I'm hungry!", I'd eat. Then, the contest prep cycle began, and all that independence and inner strength went right out the window - again. My common sense was replaced with a ninja-like, laser-sharp focus where I stopped thinking and again did EXACTLY as I was told.
Looking back now at those experiences, I think I am definitely in a place to speak about the potential hazards of competing. I sort of walked the razor's edge of impending metabolic damage, and I place the blame for that firmly on my own shoulders. No trainer, no guru, no nutritionist, no one but ME. I prioritized competing and winning over my health and general happiness/well-being. No one MADE me do 3 hours of cardio a day or live on zero carbs or do walking lunges for 20 minutes to hit that stubborn glute fat. Nope, I CHOSE to go down that road, and I blame no one but myself. I CHOSE to do a million gazillion shows and not to gradually increase my calories to maintenance and cut my cardio for offseason. I CHOSE to prioritize my 100% adherence to my prep over my marriage and my friendships. I don't do that anymore.
Some might say I'm a hypocrite for advocating 'do as I say and not as I did' because now, I HAVE that elusive IFBB pro card. Some may say, 'Sure, easy for YOU to say that. You're a pro now and you CAN relax.' I say that I'm not 'relaxing' or 'taking the easy way', but rather? I like to say that I'm training SMARTER. I bust my a## in the gym. I religiously follow my nutritional plan year-round. And, do you know what? I love competing now more than ever because now, it's not my life: it's my hobby. My love. My 'baby'. It brings me more enjoyment, more personal satisfaction, more fulfillment than ever before. Wanna know WHY?
These days, my diet is more balanced. I'm doing cardio 2-3x/week, and I'm 3 weeks out from a show. I have yet to do a two-a-day cardio (nor will this ever be in my plan) or eat a single protein source more than 2x in a single day. When I get to a show, I have energy to actually enjoy the company of the other competitors backstage. And, I don't have this burning desire to eat everything that isn't nailed down once the show is over. My husband, my friends, and my family now SUPPORT me in my competitive endeavors because I actually have time and energy to do 'normal', social things. I don't vanish into diet 'lockdown' anymore; I live a relatively 'normal' life. Heck, at 3 weeks out, I was at World of Beer having a grand old time! Granted, I had my food, not a beer, but you get my point.
The point to this long ramble is that competing CAN be fun ... if you let it. By taking care of your body, feeding your metabolism (rather than damaging it), and listening to your body when it tells you it's on the verge of breaking down, you CAN enjoy a long competitive career AND still wear your skinny jeans in the offseason. (Oh yes...the offseason! Did I mention I no longer have 2 wardrobes: skinny and fat? Nope, same clothes year round.) You CAN have it all and you CAN win shows while doing it. It's not a war of who eats the least or does the most cardio; it's a contest of who presents the most aesthetically appealing package onstage on any given day. But, more importantly than that? I say it's a battle of internal victories; a battle to make this way of eating and training a lifestyle, where the show is just a pit stop along a larger journey.
Hopefully, others can learn from my experience and honesty. I know that in an industry where external perfection is prized above all else, we sometimes like to pretend we are also perfect on the INSIDE. I'm not too proud to admit that I'm flawed and insecure and have made more than my fair share of mistakes. Nope, nope, just like my physique, my inner beauty is a work in progress as well. Every year, I learn a little more, I get a little stronger, I get a little wiser. My mistakes make me who I am, and even though I don't like to MAKE them? I choose to own them and use them to make me better.
- Sandi
There has been a lot of talk on the message boards lately about metabolic damage, and specifically, who is to blame for the perpetuation of contest-dieting-gone-wrong. People finger-point at trainers and gurus, but I say, why not rest the blame on the ultimate decision-maker: the individual who is competing.
I had an epiphany of sorts a while back. Have you ever been in a fabulous, swanky, chi-chi nightclub when it closes down, and they turn the lights on to kick you out? And what looked glamorous and filled with beautiful people is suddenly grungy, dirty, and full of drunks? That's sort of how I feel about my years of contest prep. Looking back, I realize that what I THOUGHT was focus and dedication and admirable work ethic was actually just stupidity on my part. And, that's a hard pill to swallow ... because I don't ever like to admit I am wrong.
I've been in over 15 shows and spent over 6 years of my life dieting for fitness and figure competitions. I've started my prep within 5 lbs of stage weight, and I've started it 30+ lbs OVER my show weight. I've done high carbs/low fat, carb cycling, ketosis, low intensity/long duration cardio, HIIT cardio, sprints, intervals. You name it? I've probably had it in my program at some point along the road. What I DIDN'T do was take care of my body and use common sense ... until recently.
You see, I was a woman obsessed ... obsessed with winning. Obsessed with getting a pro card. Obsessed with being harder/better/faster/stronger (okay, now I'm singing Kanye and seriously need to stop LOL). Anyway, you get the point. I thought the harder the program, the more restrictive the diet, the better I would be. Sure, for the short-term? My 100% adherence and religious dedication to my contest prep worked wonderfully. However, at one point in my competitive career, I did 7 shows within an 18 month time frame ... and guess what? My body stopped responding. No matter what I did? The weight wouldn't come off. Less food, more cardio? No problem. Push me harder. Starve me. I WANT this. I CAN do this. My trainer said, 'Sandi, enough's enough. You need to realize you are asking something ridiculous of your body. I'm not going to continue to push you because clearly, your body's giving you a huge 'f*&% you'. Take a vacation. Enjoy life. Focus on other things for a while and then come back to the diet. There's always another show.' NOT the words I wanted to hear; in fact, the ONLY words I wanted to hear were the announcement of my name and number by Sandy Ranalli-Williamson in center first callout. So, what did I do? I did extra cardio on the sly my next prep. And, when THAT ceased to work? I hired a new trainer.
Fast forward thru an offseason where I kept my weight within 7-8 lbs of stage weight ... because I did 'compensatory cardio' for all my off-plan eating. (As if an hour on the stepmill can even begin to erase a massive cheat meal, but that, my friends, is another rant altogether.) At the end of it, I sustained a major, crippling injury where I was unable to do little more than sit on the couch and eat for 3 months. I couldn't even put my foot on the gas pedal to drive, much less step down and grind like a hamster on a piece of cardio equipment. I couldn't even sleep at night I was in such severe pain. I felt like I'd lost everything in life that I held dear. So what did I do? I made a pan after pan of homemade brownies and drowned my sorrows in ghiradelli chocolate peanut butter chip oblivion. 30 lbs later, I slowly rehabbed myself to the point where I could do a simple cartwheel on a trampoline. At that point, I started my diet for the next pro qualifier. 10 weeks later, I was in the first callout, nailed my routine, and narrowly missed obtaining a pro card.
I continued down the road of dieting and cardio for another 2 months, only to narrowly miss again. I was absolutely crushed; I mean, beyond devastated. Crushed. I felt I'd given up so much for this. And, after months of endless dieting, I was suddenly without a meal plan; without a purpose. So, I slowly progressed myself back into a more 'normal', more sustainable way of eating. I learned to be more self-reliant and to listen to my body. When it said, 'I'm tired'? I'd rest. When it said, 'I'm hungry!", I'd eat. Then, the contest prep cycle began, and all that independence and inner strength went right out the window - again. My common sense was replaced with a ninja-like, laser-sharp focus where I stopped thinking and again did EXACTLY as I was told.
Looking back now at those experiences, I think I am definitely in a place to speak about the potential hazards of competing. I sort of walked the razor's edge of impending metabolic damage, and I place the blame for that firmly on my own shoulders. No trainer, no guru, no nutritionist, no one but ME. I prioritized competing and winning over my health and general happiness/well-being. No one MADE me do 3 hours of cardio a day or live on zero carbs or do walking lunges for 20 minutes to hit that stubborn glute fat. Nope, I CHOSE to go down that road, and I blame no one but myself. I CHOSE to do a million gazillion shows and not to gradually increase my calories to maintenance and cut my cardio for offseason. I CHOSE to prioritize my 100% adherence to my prep over my marriage and my friendships. I don't do that anymore.
Some might say I'm a hypocrite for advocating 'do as I say and not as I did' because now, I HAVE that elusive IFBB pro card. Some may say, 'Sure, easy for YOU to say that. You're a pro now and you CAN relax.' I say that I'm not 'relaxing' or 'taking the easy way', but rather? I like to say that I'm training SMARTER. I bust my a## in the gym. I religiously follow my nutritional plan year-round. And, do you know what? I love competing now more than ever because now, it's not my life: it's my hobby. My love. My 'baby'. It brings me more enjoyment, more personal satisfaction, more fulfillment than ever before. Wanna know WHY?
These days, my diet is more balanced. I'm doing cardio 2-3x/week, and I'm 3 weeks out from a show. I have yet to do a two-a-day cardio (nor will this ever be in my plan) or eat a single protein source more than 2x in a single day. When I get to a show, I have energy to actually enjoy the company of the other competitors backstage. And, I don't have this burning desire to eat everything that isn't nailed down once the show is over. My husband, my friends, and my family now SUPPORT me in my competitive endeavors because I actually have time and energy to do 'normal', social things. I don't vanish into diet 'lockdown' anymore; I live a relatively 'normal' life. Heck, at 3 weeks out, I was at World of Beer having a grand old time! Granted, I had my food, not a beer, but you get my point.
The point to this long ramble is that competing CAN be fun ... if you let it. By taking care of your body, feeding your metabolism (rather than damaging it), and listening to your body when it tells you it's on the verge of breaking down, you CAN enjoy a long competitive career AND still wear your skinny jeans in the offseason. (Oh yes...the offseason! Did I mention I no longer have 2 wardrobes: skinny and fat? Nope, same clothes year round.) You CAN have it all and you CAN win shows while doing it. It's not a war of who eats the least or does the most cardio; it's a contest of who presents the most aesthetically appealing package onstage on any given day. But, more importantly than that? I say it's a battle of internal victories; a battle to make this way of eating and training a lifestyle, where the show is just a pit stop along a larger journey.
Hopefully, others can learn from my experience and honesty. I know that in an industry where external perfection is prized above all else, we sometimes like to pretend we are also perfect on the INSIDE. I'm not too proud to admit that I'm flawed and insecure and have made more than my fair share of mistakes. Nope, nope, just like my physique, my inner beauty is a work in progress as well. Every year, I learn a little more, I get a little stronger, I get a little wiser. My mistakes make me who I am, and even though I don't like to MAKE them? I choose to own them and use them to make me better.
- Sandi
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
